Some weeks ago I mentioned my friend Steve who is in the middle of a pretty remarkable dance with advanced pancreatic cancer.  The cancer has spread and metastized, but his vital signs are essentially great.  He says that aside from having cancer his health is very good.  A little side door humor, but the fact is he just keeps on going.  To look at him you would not really know.  His worst symptom so far has been fatigue.

He is a strong guy, which is probably part of the root of his already beating the odds for survival of this awful cancer well beyond the usual prognosis.  I think that his attitude has probably been his own best friend.  He remains philosophical and upbeat.  He feels secure knowing that his wife and daughters are provided for and leading active lives.  His chief doctor says that he may actually be able to return to some of his beloved finish carpentry when the new chemo kicks in.  Steve would love this.

This past Sunday there was a big party for him.  He had no idea how many people would be coming, and he never dreamt that so many people cared so much about him.  He actually looked great.  He clearly enjoyed himself, and I think it was good for his wife, too, to experience all the love and support.

The main organizer of the party said that he told Steve that he talked to everyone about the party ahead of time, and “both people said they would come”.  This brought a good laugh.

This week is the final round of an extremely potent chemo treatment.  My girl friend and I both said we hope he is one of the miracles, even though the cancer has spread widely.  He stopped by to visit  today at a job site.  Years ago Steve did some beautiful work at this home.  The owners were happy to see him, too.

In the next several weeks some other sawdust makers and I plan to descend on Steve’s house to do a little work that he has not been able to do, as I mentioned in the previous blog.  And some of us are making a point to simply include Steve in more activities.  He always was more one for work than play, although he always enjoyed “chit-chatting” with friends and customers, as he would say.

So, I would like to humbly and gratefully ask for your good thoughts and good wishes for Steve and his family.  Who knows- maybe he will be one of the living miracles.  That would be a nice thing.

For some reason, my computer does not want to have healthy conversations with itself lately.

When I write and save posts and try to have them in my blog, the synapses are having their

own fun and have not been allowing positive communication.

As soon as this temporary XP sidetrack is worked out, I have some more to share.

Thanks, all. Take good care.

Stuart

I just finished attending two weeks at the remarkable Harvard Negotiation Insight Initiative that I mentioned in the “Learning Edge” blog last week. Wow, what a gift.

People from all over the world came to explore in different ways how to deepen knowledge of self and others, which can be translated into more successful personal and professional relationships, and how to work in a more cooperative fashion in any setting that involves negotiation. The term “negotiation” may be taken in both a specific and a broad way, as participants included attorneys, mediators, consultants and diplomats, business people, educators, medical people, policy makers, and so on. And, it has been said that even ordering dinner in a restaurant is a negotiation.

The exploration of doorways into better knowledge of ourselves and others is not so unusual, but the setting and the implications are. The use of intuition is highlighted, and various practices are used to help foster clearer awareness and connection, within and without. AND, the biggie, there is high enthusiasm to carry the learning and the expansion of spirit back into the world in a big way. The motto of the program is “Spirit in Action”. This is stuff that can change lives. I heard so many people say how they had not been living from their spirit in their work lives.

I had some rich and lively conversations about Conscious Cooperation with different people, and I was able to make fantastic related connections and furthering of connections, all of which I hope produce the fruit that seems to be growing! There is now even more unfolding than I wrote about last time. I am a grateful guy.

When I was just about to leave I got into a conversation with a lovely woman from California who is a nurse. She and I were in the same small group at the end of each day.

She asked what I did, and I told her about Conscious Cooperation. She lit up, said it sounded wonderful, and added that it sounds like the way that she works as a nurse.

Well, son of a gun. I have always known that the basic principles I promote can apply to any human interaction, not just construction-related relationships.

This lady said that she talks directly to her patients about whatever is important. She asks direct questions to make sure they understand what is going on. She tries to step into their slippers, so to speak and perceive what they may be thinking and feeling. She also exudes kindness and caring, along with competence.

She asks the patients what they are wondering about. What scares them? What may not have been explained very well to them? Is there anything she could do for them that has not been done? She was clearly excited about the subject. She was motivated to help make the nursing experience the best she could for her patients. It was great to listen to her. If I were in need of nursing care, I would sure want someone like her providing the care.

During the first week of the program I took a course about working with strong emotions in mediation, instead of trying to sidestep them or hold them down. GREAT course, awfully well presented.

There was a really likable guy from India in that course, who mistakenly showed up in the room, for the wrong course, and decided that it was just meant to be. The funny thing is he didn’t tell us until the third day! Anyway, he stayed, at first believing that the course had little to offer him. In the end, though, he came away very glad he had stayed on. He had some firmly-held notions loosened and came away with a belief that deeper human connection really does have a place in business.

About mid-week during the course he made a statement that corporations must meet financial projections and must follow their plans, and most top brass would not have time for a more humanistic approach to business. After dinner one night the following week he told me that he was bringing home new awareness that he wanted to use. He saw the value of spending time to work in a fashion that places more importance on the people involved and does not see them simply as production units who must function according to company standards or be replaced. He got out of the box. He stretched his traditional thinking, and his heart was touched.

That class was all about directly facing strong emotions as a mediator, both your own and those of clients. We explored our personal histories with strong emotion and how that has affected us today. It was quite a journey.

Of all the strong emotions it was repeated again and again to address fears in our roles as mediators. Get it out on the table.

My daughter and a friend of hers and I were talking yesterday about how I had learned in my business to ask direct questions that involve strong emotion. My daughter’s friend said something like, “Wow, they probably have never been asked about their fears related to a construction project. They probably have never been asked about their fears at all.”

His statement took me up short a bit. I think he is right. It is powerful stuff that can greatly aid the functionality of business relationships, as well as acting as a doorway into deeper personal relationship.

P.S. Is this blog too long for one piece?  As you can tell, I am excited!

My buddy Dawud Miracle tagged me the other day to write about my learning edge, a meme started by Adam Kayce. It is a great question and a term I first heard used by my friend Daniel Stone of Whole System Consulting when we co-facilitated a spiritually-oriented group together. Daniel is busy as a bleeper without blogging or even having a website. He is a wonderful consultant.

Well, Dawud, in perfect synchronicity you caught me while I was in a week of study, connection and heart expansion at Harvard Law School. Yes, “Harvard f**$@&g Law School”, as one of the well-recognized participants said.

The Harvard Negotiation Insight Initiative is a gift-from-above program birthed and directed by a visionary young woman, Erica Ariel Fox. If you click on her “HNII” program, you find her. What I am studying at is the Summer Learning Forum of HNII.

The HNII program is focused on approaching mediation and negotiation from a place of deep wisdom and intuition. Erica once admitted to me that she was beamed in to bring this unique program to Harvard Law. A Harvard Law graduate herself, Erica lives to spread peace, light and collaboration in the world through deeper knowing of self and others and expansion of our capacities to resonate with others. The first time I heard her speak I asked myself, “Who IS this woman?” I am blessed to know her.

The focus of HNII and the Summer Learning Forum is the stuff that you, Dawud, and Adam, and Mark Silver and thankfully many others are all about. You just don’t tend to expect to find it at Harvard Law School.

Being a mediator with a major spiritual bent, and given that my Conscious Cooperation arm of my life is all about spreading cooperation and harmony in relation to the world of construction, the Divine wisdom led me to find Erica and her program.

I just spent a week in a course zeroed-in on using strong emotions in mediation as the very doorway to deeper knowing, healing and resolution. SUPERIOR stuff. Not to mention the deep connections, the powerful small groups, the fun.

Erica had me meet with her sister, Amy Fox of Mobius Executive Leadership in Cambridge, MA. Amy graciously offered to assist me with connections to aid my venture to see if I can help with the awful atmosphere between contractors and property owners in New Orleans. I will write more about this in an upcoming blog, but I am gathering my contacts and support/wisdom team to make my initial exploratory trip there, hopefully by September. Two HNII alums also offered from their hearts to come and help me. AND, another biggie, the incomparable Ken Cloke is planning a mediation initiative in New Orleans aimed at youth at risk as part of his Mediators Without Borders. Ken told me to give him information on what I am doing, and we will see if we can link up.

Ken and Erica Fox are my two heroes in the field of heart-based mediation. So to have them on my side in my venture in New Orleans, while I also keep learning from both of them, is huge for me. My gratitude and wonder are at the top of the chart. And, my two instructors this week want to see what I have in my Conscious Cooperation bin about harmony in commercial construction, as they have a contract to consult with the largest construction company in Austria. They might be able to use my approach. I hope so!

Dawud, you didn’t know what you were getting into by tagging me, did you? I am saying a lot here, but it is all so present for me.

Next week I am in another learning program at HNII.

Am I high? Yeah.

On the book and study end, I am reading a powerful short book called “If You Want to Walk on Water You Have to Get Out of the Boat” by John Ortberg. It is about putting your faith into action and hearing and answering your personal calling. Fears allowed. Great book.

A few more books from the Harvard Program are: “Meditation in a New York Minute” by Mark Thornton. Mark is an utter gas. DEEP, calm, mischievous guy. Wonderful teacher, rich human being. Well worth the look. I also bought “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert and “Life and Holiness” by Thomas Merton.

I am also reading “Speaking of Success”, which I received through a real estate investment program I am in. There is a lot of wisdom in the book and great personal stories. Again, much about finding personal mission and taking action, although the “Walk on Water” book is more clearly spiritually oriented. One of the experts interviewed, Jay Wallus, was about five feet away from me giving a riotous yet right-on motivational talk. He kept repeating, “Who’s making these rules?” He owns a consulting business outside Boston called Street Smart.

As noted above I have been studying and dipping my toes into real estate investment, which is a natural fit for a builder/consultant.

AND, last but certainly not least, I keep working on my active relationship with my deepest Self, which is my biggest learning edge. That one fuels all the other “edges”.

Thanks, Dawud. I hope I didn’t flood you. Ain’t too much moss gathering in my life right now.

I tag Mark Silver, Karin H. and Kent Blumberg

My friend Steve is in a nasty battle with cancer.

He has pancreatic cancer which has metastized and spread. He has already lived beyond what his doctors thought. He is a big, tough guy with the general constitution of an ox, and at times he has responded really well to chemo.

The doctors have to keep upping the intensity of the chemo treatments for any particular form of it until it is just too toxic. Then they put him on a different one and start again.

Through the whole thing, which is over a year now, Steve’s attitude is amazingly upbeat and accepting of what is. He hasn’t rolled to it by any means, but he is simply facing his reality with a really philosophical and positive take.

He has actually been able to work at his beloved fine carpentry for bursts of time and says that the doctors say another work period may be coming pretty soon. So far he looks good, and he has not really lost significant weight. With all due respect, he had a little to lose, so that is okay.

He has done some major traveling that he never did before, and he feels secure that his wife and daughters are provided for and all headed in good directions.

One friend’s wife has organized a party for him in August, and this friend just shows up and says, “Come on, we’re going boating,” or some such thing. Steve is much more known for working like a bull than doing frivolous things like boating. Yet fine carpentry is his true love, not an unhappy escape.

I have known that Steve wants to get a few things refurbished on his house. He has not been well enough to do it himself. So, several of us sawdust-makers have banded together and agreed that we will descend on Steve’s house and do what he wants, and I think we will make a party out of it. I called him last night and told him to put the list together. He was touched.

This kind of thing gets you thinking- What is calling from my heart for me to do NOW? How about really living like I may not be here tomorrow? In perfect synchronicity, a friend lent me the book “If You Want to Walk on Water You Have to Get Out of the Boat”. I started reading, and the main premise is that we all have a primary gift to share, and the time is NOW.

Steve is only fifty years old. Both his parents are still alive. His grandfather lived to almost a hundred. I don’t want to see him go, and I hope for the miracle. Maybe you can send some extra wishes and light his way, too.

Thanks.

A little more to say on gratitude.

Last time I wrote about being a grateful blogger.

Sometimes gratitude comes fairly easily for me, and sometimes I have to work at it pretty hard. I have to work at getting out of my own way, looking repeatedly for guidance and connection that comes from way beyond me.

Twelve-step groups talk of an “attitude of gratitude”. I love that. Catchy and typically profound in its simplicity. Being grateful for all things; that can be quite a challenge, but God, what a powerful way to live.

One of my teachers is a remarkable young guy named James Keeley. At the ripe age of thirty-three or so he has tremendous wisdom, vision and presence. He is able to tune in deeply to his deep Self and live from this place and guide others. He is partners in a business called Lionheart Consulting.

In his short yet powerful book “Walking with God”, he talks of being grateful for the “good” things that happen in our lives while also turning gratefully for deep guidance when not-so-pleasant things take place. And the not-so-pleasant things are typically what bring us to the brink of our greatest growth, so being grateful for everything doesn’t have to be a trite mouthful of castor oil. James is able to transmit deep feeling and presence through his writing, and certainly in person. And I know he does quite a job of living from this place himself.

I just started writing my first e-booklet, aimed at property owners looking for guidance in navigating the often daunting waters of trusting themselves in the hands of designers and contractors, and everything that goes with that territory. With a timely bit of real good advice from Sean D’Souza I sat down and started into the seemingly large task one bite at a time and quickly produced the first two pages of draft. Thanks, Sean, and thanks to others who have been a big support; Dawud, Daniel, Bonnie, Dave, James, Ibrahim, Manijeh, Barry, and more. Again the gratitude.

Without planning to go there, I found myself recounting the story of working with one customer, in the beginnings of my e-booklet. And as I was writing, I realized that I was grateful for her and for that project. She and I both pushed some personal envelopes in a big way while planning and building, and we forged a real working alliance between builder and customer. Then the project made its way into a featured article in “Fine Homebuilding” magazine, pushing more boundaries.

As I look back on my construction career I can definitely say that I am grateful for my customers and projects and all the learning and growing they brought with them. I am grateful to the Creator for placing both the people and the work in front of me and grateful for the urges in me to always want to connect with my customers and associates at as good a heart level as we could.

And, truth be told, I know that many of my customers are grateful for me, too. I still work with several of them on a repeated basis. I value them, and I try to serve them well.

What are you grateful for? I would love to hear.

Lately I have slowed down in the blogging world due to so much going on in my life, and my intention is to readjust within days.

I was thinking “What will I write about next?”  Not much was surfacing, and then I realized how grateful I am for this wonderful blog community.

So, I want to express my gratitude for this medium and for the wonderful people I have met and continue to meet.

Earlier in the year Dawud Miracle told me that there was no way to get faster exposure and make meaningful connection with people than through being a member of the blog community.  Thanks, Dawud.  You were right in ways that I only had a hint of.

There is so much worthwhile conversation and spreading of information going on I could easily spend much more time than I do at the computer.  I know I am not alone.

Aside from Dawud, who is in serious emergence, here is a short and incomplete list of wise people I have come to value a lot:

Karin

Mark Silver

Adam Kayce

Kent Blumberg

Liz Strauss

Dave Schoof

Thanks, all!

It is Father’s Day here in the US.

My daughter Katrina came to visit last night.  She stayed overnight, and we are having the longest solitary time together in quite a while.  She turns 30 in August.  (Where did THAT come from?)  We had a nice dinner last night and stayed up talking until nearly midnight.  Today we will take my faithful old dog for a good hike, one of his favorite things to do, and we will likely cruise the scenic area where I live on Cape Cod in Massachusetts.

If I may say so, she is a lovely lady.  Full of spunk, curiosity and variety in her life, with a healthy dose of heart, love of people and keen perceptiveness guiding her along the way.  She is a highly talented massage therapist and yoga instructor.  And she now eats even more “crunchy” than how she was raised.  She used to complain to her mother and me that all our food was “bowl food”- rice and veggies, tempeh, etc.; weird things like that.  Now she out-crunchies me.  She brought me a care package of delectables from a Whole Foods store last night.

She puts out a lot.  She gives a lot.  She has some fiercely loyal clients.  And she is pretty darned good at also being good to herself.

Am I proud of her?  Well, I guess I am, but I think more importantly I am pleased and relieved that she is doing so well and that she enjoys her life as she does.  And I admire who she is and how she lives.  I am grateful to be her father.

Around the time she was getting out of diapers, I asked God one night, “What is my real job with her?”  The answer I got back was, “Help her be comfortable with herself in the world.” 

Wow, this was profound; a lot said in one simple sentence, and I could not take credit for the message.  Katrina is very comfortable with herself in the world.  She does life well.

How comfortable are you with yourself in the world?  Somehow that surprising guideline of my deepest role as a father seems to carry wisdom beyond what I saw at first.

I have often observed that people who seem very comfortable with themselves in the world have found their rhythm and their meaning.  And conversely, I think that in general people who have found their rhythm and their meaning are quite comfortable with themselves.

I guess I can thank Katrina for these awarenesses.

Hats off to fathers everywhere.

It’s a busy life.

For a little while here I may be short of blogging time. Many things going on, and for several days, anyway, little time at the computer.

I have hands-on remodeling work to get done for two old customers right now, estimating to do for two others, much studying and involvement with real estate investment lately, and plenty of effort toward a major possibility in my life.

That possibility is to go to New Orleans to try to help with the terribly dysfunctional atmosphere between property owners and contractors. How this possibility came about is fodder for much discussion in itself. I will give a quick picture.

For a few years I have gone to a yearly spiritual retreat held on the edge of mountain country in Georgia. Great setting, great event. I have known many of the attendees for a lot of years. And, a big bonus for me, and hopefully for some other people, is that I get to co-facilitate groups focused on the exploration of one’s personal spirituality. The stars of the show are whoever attends.

As facilitators we set the tone to help the participants take a dive within themselves and take risks in small group discussion with others. There is a little more to it, but that is the gist.

The results have been really powerful. And we the facilitators feel blessed to be present.

So I was there in April, and by divine providence there were two different men who I had know separately 36 years ago. Strange enough in itself. But one of the guys now lives in New Orleans, and when he and I caught each other up in our lives and I told him about Conscious Cooperation, he blurted out “We need you in New Orleans!”

Well, one thing has led to another, and this contact has led to that contact, and the short story is that going to New Orleans is real bright on my radar. I hope to make my first trip there in several weeks to make some presentations and meet people.

I am in awe of how one thing leads to another and how the Universe arranges for “chance” meetings and connections. Then it is up to us do our part while, for me, still checking in repeatedly with the Divine powers to work with the path being laid out.

While reading an email from Kent Blumberg the other day I noticed that he lives in Baton Rouge, about an hour from New Orleans. And he is quite a helpful and eager guy, as most readers here know. We talked on the phone yesterday, and he had one real good suggestion about furthering my contacts in New Orleans.

And, my good friend Daniel Stone who was the main subject of my recent blog CONFIDENT, HUMBLE SERVANT, just happens to be an important figure in the consulting team working on how to approach the rebuilding of New Orleans. Etc., etc….

So, that is a snapshot of my life right now. It is a busy one, and a good one. Many thanks for support from different sources, not the least of which is this amazing world of blogging.

Several days ago Karin from www.thekissbusinesstoo.co.uk tagged me to write about how blogging has changed my life, and business.  Interestingly, and in perfect synchronicity, I had been thinking about that for a few weeks before I was tagged.  Karin is usually a day or two ahead of my thought processes.  And I was thinking I am grateful for having been introduced into the blogging world by Dawud of www.dmiracle.com.

So, first off, I am Stuart, and I am a grateful blogaholic.

As Dawud was adding to my website for me a few months ago he said that the quickest way to get exposure was to blog and visit other worthwhile blogs and make significant comments.

Boy, he was right.

I have been exposed to a world of connection that I never dreamt existed.  I have come to write posts fairly easily that emerge from my gut.  I eagerly read other prized bloggers and make comments.  I eagerly look to see what comments may be on my blog.

Conclusion: There are some great people out there just a keyboard away!  There are people who say that computer-source communication has no heart.  This is not my experience at all.  I get inspired and warm and fuzzy from blog communication.

I have been an amateur and occasional professional writer for years, but I find that writing blogs, sharing them and entering into conversation with them helps me know myself, my passions and my priorities in a way that is far different than writing with no communication back.  Writing about what I really care about and then sharing it helps center me, renew me and expand me.  I am really appreciative of this experience.

In my efforts to work with communication and cooperation centered around the construction industry, time and time again issues of clarity, honesty and good will emerge.  They are fundamental to the process.

And, in my humble opinion, they are fundamental to rich blogging.

Thanks, Karin.