Last night I took a walk with my good friend Carol Dilks from Reston, VA. Carol is an experienced real estate agent. We have had many conversations about sensitivity and service to clients, and related things. She is a pretty aware and accomplished lady.

Carol is a former special ed teacher. She was a popular social worker on the streets of Tampa, FL. She started a foundation to support children who have lost parents to death, an organization which is still thriving. Not your basic salesperson who wants to serve themselves, not that I am saying that is the norm. I am just saying that to me Carol is unusual. We have traded stories from both our social activism and social service days.

Last night she told me a wonderful story. She used to do many real estate transactions involving diplomats and executives being relocated to the Washington, DC area. She was assigned a couple who had a few days to find a new place. Carol said that immediately she just could not stand the wife, and apparently there was mutual distaste. Carol simply did not like this woman, at all!

They had to spend quite a bit of time together, and the whole time Carol  wanted to be rid of her. Carol is a consummate professional, though, and she gave them her best in showing them homes. Then, while Carol was driving the couple around, the wife said something in a particular way that Carol would have said herself. It was eerily familiar.

Suddenly Carol got it. She couldn’t stand the woman because the woman reminded her of a deep part of herself that she was not comfortable with. “She is me!” Carol thought. All of a sudden Carol “got” this woman, and all the tension was gone. The two of them finished picking a house alone without the husband, and they did great together.

What is wonderful to me is that Carol had and has the honesty and thirst for self-growth and truth that she was able to look the mirror dead in the eye and embrace what she saw.

We agreed that the way we hold things, and how open we are to what might appear, tasteful or distasteful, is huge and can lead to great change. For Carol, what started as something really uncomfortable led to both a pleasant new relationship with her client, and a pretty massive self-awakening.

Great job, Carol. Great story.

Wow. I am happy to post this. The manager of the Hyannis, MA, Home Depot on Cape Cod just gave me and my customer superb service. He did just what I had hoped he would and what I would recommend as the thing to do, but I am grateful he did it, and I am happy to post the story.

I recently did an extensive remodeling for some repeat customers. I have written about them before. They lived in their house during almost the entire job.  They are the definition of a gentleman and a gentlewoman.

The job included gutting the kitchen. Because my good friend Peter is one of the top kitchen installers in the country for Home Depot and he was able to personally guide us, we went with Kraft Made cabinets from Home Depot. Honestly, normally I don’t shop at Home Depot too often, but Peter said these cabinets are as good as any other similarly built cabinets, if not better, and for often a good bit less money than the others.

All in all, we were satisfied with the cabinets, and my customers love their new kitchen.

While they were at Home Depot they also bought their appliances, choosing the LG brand. The expensive refrigerator did not work right from day one. Three times an authorized repair person came out, after calls to LG.

The conclusion from the last visit was that the compressor had failed. The refrigerator does not work AT ALL. This has been for a week and a half.

Multiple calls to LG; they don’t even have a technical number any more; had various “customer service” people telling us that the repair company had not called in the latest breakdown, and they could do nothing without that call, and they would just send out the repair people again. Rightfully, my customers wanted a new refrigerator. I agreed. “Customer service” was useless. Last night in a last ditch effort I email chatted with a live help person, who also did not help. Then once more I called customer service and asked for a supervisor, who was busy, I was told. They were supposedly going to call back my customer.

This morning I called the Home Depot manager who Peter told me to ask for. The short story is that after listening to my report he said, “It sounds like we have to give them a new refrigerator”. Period. Tom the manager agreed to call my customer to arrange to remove the bad one, and he said he would refund them what they paid for it. Period.

THIS is customer service. Company people, on an automated phone system designed to frustrate us, who then spout policy and how they can only do so much, and we have to follow policy- that is not customer service. Tom gave us customer service.

Sorry LG, but you are foolishly shooting off your own feet. Thank you, Tom.

I was talking with neighbor Carol yesterday. She told me about a conversation she had the night before with a woman she knows. They were talking about Haiti. Carol was saying it was so good to see so many nations contributing and people from afar helping in different ways.  Her aquaintence said cynically that the country had been run by corrupt dictators for years, and shipments of supplies were being delayed.

Apparently Carol’s mouth hung open on the phone. She said, “So what!” Sure, the darker things may be true, but is that the point? Isn’t the point to just plain help out because a whole nation is suffering horribly and our fellow human beings need help?

As you can tell, Carol is very compassionate, and involved. I am working in Virginia now outside Washington, and she told me she was going to volunteer to help the efforts through the Haitian Embassy. I said, “Hey, I’d like to join in”. We went to the embassy the other day and got trained to field phone calls regarding victims, missing people and news from the country. We were grateful for the chance to participate.

There is a message here that ties right into the principles that inspired, and still inspire, Conscious Cooperation. It is always about PEOPLE. It is about being willing to drop the guard as best we can and relate as honestly as we can. It is about caring. It is about offering the best of yourself, not blindly, but offering it with your senses open.

This is my take anyway, and I know Carol agrees. She is a real estate agent, and she is busy and successful. She gives the best of herself to her clients.

Going back to Haiti, I offer heartfelt prayers for healing and rebuilding on all levels. I know that the efforts of so many people to help out in different ways all count for a lot.

I posted last time about depending on trusted craftsmen and appreciating and enjoying the dance of several guys working together in productive brotherhood. One of the men working with me lately is a friend I met a few years ago at a real estate investment seminar.  His name is Steven.

Steven is a talented carpenter/contractor and a genuinely good guy to be around. We have a nice friendship developing, aside from our work association.  I like him a lot.  He has a really pleasant air about him as he quietly and knowledgeably goes about his work.

We discuss business and real estate investment together, and I think we both gravitate toward people with honest values and integrity.  Steven had signed on to study closely with the real estate investment trainer offering the program where we met.  This man has been very successful and owns hundreds of properties.

Yesterday I asked him if he was still involved with this man.  He said no, this guy proved himself to be too slick and of less than honest character.  This guy and a partner on a distressed property deal had asked Steven to do some renovation work on this particular property and then tried to weasel out of paying him what was agreed on for the work, plus incidental supplies that Steven paid for with his own money.

Needless to say, their working relationship is over.  Steven smiled philosophically as he told me that they finally settled on a reduced labor charge, which could well have been the investor’s plan all along.  What a pity.

It makes me think how I really appreciate people of solid, ethical, kind character who treat others well.  Those are the people I want in my life.

This is the title of great little book from the company Simple Truths.   I highly recommend .   It was founded by an inspired man named Mac Anderson.  They produce a series of short, simple books, videos and other products with often profound, heart-warming but simple messages. Works well for me! I guess I have a pretty simple mind, but it is an old adage that truth really is simple and to the point; we humans complicate things.

In short, that book says that if you ain’t got the DNA in you to excel at whatever your chosen endeavor is and to give it your best, you can’t train this. You can awaken it and nurture it, but if the makings of excellence aren’t there, they aren’t there. This can save a lot of trouble when hiring people! I am going through this with a subcontractor now. I have concluded he is a duck, and I want eagles.

Years ago the son of close friends of mine worked for me at times during high school. John was bright, had the hands, and most of all he had a lot of attention for whatever was going on. He had commitment. He wanted to learn. He asked questions. He asked if he could offer suggestions sometimes.

In a short time I concluded, This kid has it. I told him that if he wanted to pursue a career in construction I knew he could do real well. I really enjoyed having him with me.

Now years later, John is in his thirties and is a fine woodworker in San Francisco. Some of his work was just showcased in a major magazine article, although the architect got the credit.

John is definitely an eagle.

Eagles come in various flavors, but they have a drive to excel and satisfy their own high standards.  They don’t generally make excuses.  They want to learn.  They have a solid but not over-riding ego.

For me, the best eagles have plenty of humility along with their high standards. This makes them pleasant to be with and inspiring.  It makes them good team players who are also highly self-directed.

I had come to my own conclusions in the past about eagles and ducks, but the little book mentioned above put the matter into fuller perspective for me.   Thanks, Simple Truths, and Mac Anderson.

In these tougher economic times that are challenging so many people, great service is all the more important to set yourself apart. I think it is always about people and always about service regardless of the economic atmosphere, but these days an attitude of service and caring is especially vital.

I have a good friend who installs kitchen cabinets for Home Depot and also does his own remodeling jobs. In these times where many construction people are really hurting for work, my friend Peter is booked well into next spring, is turning away work, and has raised his rates.

What is his secret? Service. He always delivers a real quality job and stays focused on completing his projects in good time. He devotes himself to the given job, and his customers love him.

Peter is rated as one of the top cabinet installers nationwide for Home Depot. In hundreds of kitchens the only feedback has been praise and thanks. Not one complaint.

Great service is a way to win work and a loyal following, but in putting the cart and the horse in correct order, more work and a loyal following are byproducts of great service. Great service is an attitude.

I am coming to the end of a long remodeling project in which my loyal, patient customers have lived in their house almost the entire time that we literally work in every room of their house. This is a massive inconvenience for them, but it is also tough on us doing the work. We adjust our work schedule around their presence in the house, and there is much we have had to dance with.

The last couple of weeks have been the big push toward completion, and as I see my customers excited about their home and all the changes, I am excited right along with them. So are the guys working with me. The lady of the house recently said that we are part of their family, and yesterday with a twinkle in her eye and a smile she said, “It’s a new house.”

I know that my intention is to deliver a great project to them for their enjoyment. I don’t have to manufacture this intention, but I do have to work on the commitment to keep pushing to completion.

We are having fun as we do the work and check things off the final list. It is awfully rewarding to have my customers walk in on us working and have a bit of a look of wonder on their faces.

I told them I want them to walk into their new kitchen and their new main bathroom and see their new doors and redone floors and everything else we have worked on for them and feel it was all worth it. I want to make them smile when they experience all the changes, and their life is happier for all the work.

One of the services I have considered offering is help for contractors and customers to work together well. My intention is to help people start off with openness, clarity, friendliness and an intention to be a team that wants success for both “sides”.

There is so much adversarial stance related to construction!  Builder vs. property owners, builder vs. architects, engineers, etc., subcontractors vs. one another….and on and on.

I have been called in on existing disputes after things have gone bad between property owners and contractors and subcontractors, but I know the advisability of starting off with a foundation of cooperation and harmony before one board is cut or one nail driven.

Yesterday on Thanksgiving the attractiveness of this service was clarified.

My friend Dianne’s sister told me that she would love to have hired me before she paid a young carpenter to remodel a bathroom for her.  She was happy enough with the quality of his work, but he did not listen when she told him she wanted the bathroom to be white. He also re-installed the old door, and she expected a new one.

They did not have a written contract. I strongly recommend using contracts! To me, they should focus on the work to be done, written clearly, simply and in detail to state what is being done, perhaps what is not being done, estimates for the work, and payment schedule. I do not put any emphasis on penalty clauses and legal jargon. To me the latter can feed a distrustful and negative atmosphere, while clarifying in detail what the job is can only strengthen the basis of the working relationship and tremendously increase the odds of having a happy completion.

I told Dianne’s sister that for my part the carpenter should have asked her more questions and then put the agreed answers in writing.

Dianne’s sister said that to have had some knowledgeable person to help her and a contractor agree clearly on what was to be done, and to have that person also inspect the work. She said that especially a woman handling a project on her own is typically more in the dark as to how to approach a project, how to deal with a contractor, and how to know whether or not they are getting a quality job.

Well, it seems there is never an end to the challenges to listen deeply and be a peacemaker and soother when it comes to construction.

Today a subcontractor had a conversation with my customer and apparently did not hear my customer correctly. Apparently the subcontractor jumped to a conclusion that then became quite an error. He thought the customer did not want him back to work until next week, after the holiday, so he left. In fact, my customer DID want him working at his house today.

I have found that this new-for-me subcontractor does hear incorrectly sometimes and then makes assumptions and conclusions that are not true. I wish I had been part of that conversation today.

I got left trying to clear it up with my customer, calling the subcontractor to try to de-construct what took place, and then telling my customer that I would now try to get more help sooner than this sub is available to return to the job. Ah well, the sub’s days might be numbered with me. He is a nice guy and means well, but his skewed hearing sometimes makes problems. At times I have found him making a totally wrong conclusion from something I said. He is too quick to try to complete others’ thoughts and what they mean. Too bad.

God, once again, the need to make REAL GOOD use of both ears makes itself known in dramatic fashion. How powerful listening is, or can be.

It makes me think of the almost-cult-film Brother from Another Planet, where a slave from another planet crash-lands on earth, looking basically like earth humans, and his deep ability to LISTEN silently, even though he is from another planet, leaves people feeling like they have been heard at a deep level. He just looks them in the eye all the time and LISTENS.

How powerful attentive, focused listening really is.  It helps both listener and “listenee”.  The daily dance continues to foster communication, clarity and caring, three big “c’s”.

Conscious Cooperation is a passion for me.  It is a vehicle for me to live and give from my heart, to share some of what is deeply important to me.

And, I still do a lot of work as a builder.  I am trying to finish a pretty extensive renovation and repair job in which we have been working all over the house. Things started with a new, involved septic system last winter.  Added in was the free removal of the owners’ old underground oil tank, which turned into quite the nightmare when a leak was discovered at the bottom of the old tank, from poor initial installation years before.

We have gutted out the owners’ kitchen and are  close to giving them their new kitchen with many nice features and  and real good looks.  We gutted out and rebuilt the main floor bathroom and fixed up the lower floor one.  We have just replaced most of the doors inside the house.  We have built new areas in the cellar.  We are upgrading insulation and sealing of the exterior of the house, etc. etc.

All this while my customers have been living in the house.  Hard for both of us! Great tests of  Conscious Cooperation!  They are great people, though.  Lately I have been working hard toward completing the work.  My customers have added various aspects of work to the job.  I am trying to make up for some more leisurely progress a few months ago , with me doing much of the work, but now bringing in more help.  This is also of necessity as I am injured, and my labor capacity is limited.

I got thinking how pleased I am when there is a collection of good, conscientious guys (and/or women) working, all of us producing good work and cooperating together.  Am I grateful for this kind of active dance together, and grateful for the talented, motivated craftsmen?  You bet!  I give a lot of praise and thanks and listen to their thoughts and suggestions.  I try to be sensitive to them.  I ask if they are fine, do they need anything.  And I enjoy playing my part to orchestrate this dance.  I kind of feel like we are one big being producing all this work.

We get good work done and have a good time together while doing it.  I appreciate them a lot and want them to know it.  There is a good spirit together, and my customers appreciate it, too.  For me this is how to work. I don’t believe in lording over anyone.  My customers are happy, they see a lot getting done lately, and I couldn’t do it without everyone’s focused work.  Today was carpenters, painters and my beloved electrician.  We help one another, joke together, have good talks together, all the while behaving like a big happy family with things to get done.

I enjoy praising craftsmen in front of one another and in front of my customers.  People like to be appreciated.  I do.  It is nice not to be taken for granted.  I know that showing appreciation and respect and giving thanks and praise go a long way toward having a happy, productive team who knows they are valued.

Any thoughts?

I have heard for years not to get too close to your customers.  Wisdom or misguided conventional wisdom?

For me it depends how you handle it.  My close friend recently warned me about getting too close, or my customers will expect me to work for free or on the cheap.

I don’t think this is necessarily true.  For me it depends on how you set your own boundaries and how you present yourself.  I DO in fact often get quite friendly with my customers.  I end up having friendships with some of them that start to develop while I am working for them.

I do not shy away from deep/personal conversation with customers.  Having a background in counseling, grassroots community organizing and mediating, I have become very comfortable with a broad range of conversation with customers.  I am sure they know that I appreciate them, and I like knowing about their lives, about what is important to them, and I like when they act in the same way toward me.

Years ago, when I bought into the warning about not getting too close, I guarded my conversation much more, and felt real awkward doing it!  I finally figured out, why in the world do I have to keep this imaginary line with these people just because I am working for them?  The truth is, I feel that erasing the line, with self control, actually helps the professional relationship.  Again, for me it depends how you carry yourself, how you see yourself and your role.

I have never had a customer ask me for a discount or a freebie because we were getting friendly.  The fact is, as we become closer, I find myself naturally wanting to give even a little more, by my choice, and then they appreciate it.

I am doing quite a bit of work for a lovely couple  who is living in their house while we tear apart, rebuild and modify a lot of their house.  Of course this is disruptive for them, and it can be difficult for me and the guys working with me, too, because we try to dance around the owners’ lives.

There is mutual respect all around, though.  The other day, the husband, who had been away with work, which is often the case for him, mentioned that he had missed the trash pickup.  I told him I would take his trash to my dump the next morning, along with cardboard to be recycled from the job.  He was surprised and very appreciative.

Today he shared his lunch of leftovers with me, and we had a real nice talk about nothing even remotely related to work.  I have also become comfortable accepting food, as well as good conversation.  Why not?

And I know that this couple respects me, my work, the men who work with me and  our need to make a fair living.  I carry that stance inside me.  I respect my customers, and I would like respect back.  I am also fortunate that this present couple happens to be especially nice.