This is where your content goes., etc, etc.

This posting has a bit of a dual message.

I regularly ask the Powers that Be for opportunities to be of service. Simply, what comes my way expands my life, and I never know what will appear. It is always a blessing.

Recently on a Monday morning I made an especially impassioned plea. Well, I got answered within a few hours. A new subcontractor, a big, tough guy with much emotional intelligence, finished some work for me, and as we were standing by my truck out on the street he started pouring out his heart to me. There were both business and personal issues, pretty severe. Mostly I listened and offered a few encouraging, supportive words. We later had a great discussion about taking care of customers.

After a while he said that he never expected to get into such a conversation, (and especially since we barely knew each other). He also said he felt better, and he knew he would feel better yet. I told him any time, that he has my phone number and knows where I live. I told him that being an ear and a support is part of what makes me tick. We have since had more such conversation.

An hour or two later another one of my subcontractors called me and asked if he could use my mediator self. He was having a nasty financial and contractual dispute with someone he had worked his butt off for and gone out of his way to try to please and do extra work. We talked it out, and it seemed to me the customers just wanted to try to worm their way out of paying what they owed. Boy, I don’t like that!

The subcontractor had documented everything and had the customers sign two contracts. Later, the husband said, “Oh, we don’t go by the contract!” So the sub said, “Well, why did you sign it?” No good answer. We have since had more dealings about this unfortunate situation.

The two situations got me thinking about how there are so many decent-hearted people in construction, and any other field, who sometimes need support and compassion as human beings, and my suspicion is there are not too many forums, aside from the informal settings like I was involved with. There is such an image frequently that construction professionals are often tough and hard and poor communicators. There is a lot of bad rap that they are out to take advantage of people, and they sure don’t have much of a heart.

I sure don’t agree. And, I am wondering about testing the waters with a local support/clear the air kind of group. Several years ago my favorite lumber yard put on an evening event at which they allowed me to briefly present Conscious Cooperation and then ask about the attendees’ experience of human relations in their businesses; what was working, what wasn’t, what would they like…

They owner of the lumber yard had to eventually kick us out, as the discussion kept going on. The builder who had been the most reluctant to come that evening said the forum was great, and he wished such a thing could continue.

It isn’t just about building houses and remodeling bathrooms and building office buildings and schools- it is always about people. And sometimes we all need an ear and some good intentions to lean on. We all need help in different ways.

I have a conviction that addressing such things more openly would help construction projects, family life and just about any aspect of this life on earth.

Thanks.

Stuart Baker

In the first issue we presented some guidelines to make the experience of remodeling a positive one. Our first point was “Bring a commitment to cooperate”, which we expand on in this column.

We have all met pleasant, cooperative people who easily lend a hand to others and readily adapt to changing situations, often with a smile. They are team players who enjoy cooperating toward an end greater than what one person can achieve. Such an individual makes the day brighter for all around him and attracts others of the same inclination.

Cooperation is a powerful force. It expands communication. It truly lightens the load and helps the flow of any situation, yet it does not necessarily happen all by itself. Some people do gravitate naturally toward being cooperative and helpful, and for others it takes more effort. No matter how easy it is for an individual, however, a cooperative spirit invites more of the same. It also can be inspirational, fueling a productive and imaginative pooling of minds and expertise. A committed can-do, cooperative attitude can lead to unusually clever solutions to challenges that arise during the construction process.

Cooperation is a choice that is wise for individuals and companies to make before the start of a remodeling project. If you choose to be cooperative every day, the potential for things to go well, to be highly productive, to be harmonious, expands exponentially. In large scale commercial construction, this cooperative approach to working together is known as “partnering”.

Partnering provides a format for cooperation. All the key people involved in a project are brought together before any physical work is done. They spend approximately two days in training and meeting about working together. Everyone has a chance to express their concerns and wishes. Key people who do not want to participate in the partnering arrangement are normally not hired to be part of the project in the first place. The people who do become involved come into an atmosphere of working to get everyone’s needs met. The cards are on the table. Agreements are made about communication with one another, about accountability, and about alternative approaches to conflicts that arise. The construction industry is notorious for lack of cooperation, poor communication and poor accountability. The spirit of partnering is one of openness and pulling together for the duration of any project.

Frequently, partnered commercial projects have been completed within budget, within schedule and with much greater satisfaction and accord than with non-partnered projects. The same essence can be applied to remodeling projects. Indeed, there are people who work this way quite naturally and are successful. Below we offer proven tips on working cooperatively. These tips apply primarily to projects in which multiple parties are involved. Some sole craftsmen work just fine or even better alone. For them a cooperative approach can be utilized to benefit the relationship between a sole craftsman and their customer.

Here are our tips:

1. Make a choice to cooperate! This means deciding from the outset to work collaboratively with the various individuals and companies that you hire. Screen them carefully for your comfort level with them and for their apparent commitment to cooperation. What are your gut feelings about the people? How do they answer your questions? Do they seem to enjoy being part of a team? Are they comfortable communicating? Are they asking you relevant questions that reveal their interest and understanding in the project?
2. Listen attentively and with interest. Put your heart into listening. In the powerful book Difficult Conversations, the authors advise using a “Yes, and…” style of listening. Welcome what others have to say. If you are too eager planning your next statement, it is impossible to also be listening well. You may miss valuable information. In addition, look for and be sensitive to nonverbal signals.
3. Ask questions. Do not be afraid to ask any pertinent questions. Your questions may be regarding specific technical details which you may not understand or as broad as how people are used to working together.
4. Communicate! Use every opportunity to insure that the various parties involved are communicating to reinforce the cooperative spirit. Do the subcontractors have everything they need? Do the customers have any questions they have not asked? Make sure there are sufficient chances for the parties to meet to discuss such issues as scheduling, change orders and needed decisions. Be sure that potential problems are discussed openly. Remind yourself and others to think cooperatively, as part of a team. It may be useful to schedule weekly update sessions, even if they are on the phone.
5. Agree in advance how conflict will be approached. Discuss realistically some of the key sources of potential conflict. Examples of common areas of conflict are money, time issues, disruption and inconvenience, and change orders. Who will act as a facilitator if the team cannot resolve a dispute? Will mediation or arbitration be used if the team cannot reach agreement? We have found that simply discussing these tough questions openly frequently relaxes people and automatically encourages cooperation and teamwork.

Difficult Conversations, Stone, Patton and Heen, Penguin Books, 2000

Remodeling projects often end up with angry, warring parties who have experienced a partial or total breakdown in communication. People fear and anticipate this happening during the course of a job. Clear, open communication is crucial to the well-being of the construction process. Active communication helps to form and maintain successful relationships among the parties involved in a remodeling project.

Here is our recipe for establishing good communication before work commences and for nourishing it until completion. Our recipe includes:

• Establish an atmosphere of openness, clarity and transparency. The initial meeting(s) should be casual enough to establish a conversational tone which breaks the ice and sets the stage for more focused project discussions. Consider actually stating the goal of free-flowing communication. What are the parties’ dreams and expectations? For example, how will the owners use the space and do the plans and specifications meet the needs? Do they have fears or construction horror stories that are coloring their approach to this project?
• Be direct about the need and methods of communication. If the owner does not reside at the site how will regular communication be handled? Today we have so many advanced communication tools at our disposal there is rarely an acceptable excuse not to communicate. The challenge is to do it and to do it effectively and regularly.
• Address money issues directly. Money can be an emotional issue. Most customers have a budget for the project. The contractor needs to determine if the budget is realistic for the proposed work. If the budget is not realistic, it should be discussed immediately. Have provisions been made for unforeseen expenses so common in remodeling and renovation work? Has a payment plan been agreed upon? How will the project be financed?
• Establish an efficient means of handling changes to the work. It is almost inevitable that changes to the work will occur. The construction contract should deal directly with this issue through the use of written change order forms. Ideally, change orders can be priced and signed ahead of the actual work. Realistically, this is not always possible. The contractor must discuss with the homeowners the frequent difficulty of pricing a change order on the spot in the field. How will the parties deal with this occurrence? Unavailability of materials, poor weather and late selection of homeowner finish items will generally cause delays in the final schedule of the project. Trust and mutual respect will have to come into play. Delays in the work should also be openly discussed and then documented, dated and signed. All shared written communication should be signed and dated. Careful communication is consistent with the atmosphere of ongoing trust and mutual respect inherent in this process.
• Communicate promptly on difficult issues. It is natural to want to avoid bringing up tough issues. Don’t do it! In the end an honest, direct approach is the best policy and is consistent with this recipe. It may not be easy for a homeowner to be told that the “ancient” plumbing will have to be replaced at additional, unanticipated cost. The alternative of replacing the plumbing without a change order is contractual suicide.
• Communicate regularly. Have regular progress communications throughout the project. Use telephone calls, e-mails, faxes, digital photography and video and letters to communicate if meetings are not possible. Each party should be sure to review at the beginning of the meeting or telephone conversation what topics they want to cover so that no one ends the communication with unexpressed concerns. Not all communications need be formal and laden with business issues.

Good practice dictates that the contractor should be actively communicating with the subcontractors, the architect, the interior designer and other important parties involved in the project.

As mediators, we frequently find the parties have stopped communicating or are communicating in a harsh, threatening manner. Our ability to communicate is a great gift. It should not be overlooked as an important tool for a successful construction/remodeling project. And don’t forget to enjoy and have fun with the process!

I have been working a long time toward promoting cooperation in the construction industry (and others). I will soon offer some packages along these lines. I believe passionately in the importance of improving “people skills”, such as good listening, working at open communication, paying attention to others, being committed to offering the best of yourself, and so on.

There are different ways to get there. Some people have wonderful natural abilities along these lines, and they can help educate and inspire everyone else. Most people, though, I believe, can use some help to improve their human relations. One direction of such help is getting a better knowledge of yourself, which is a good thing! As you know yourself better, the nature of others becomes clearer. And sometimes the reverse is true. You have insight into someone else which flashes off a light bulb about yourself.

Yet knowing yourself better is key to getting along with others and improving your own effectiveness. This self knowledge can come in different ways; through inner search, through spiritual practices, through powerful assessment instruments, just to give a few examples, and through a combination of all of the above and more.

Emotional Intelligence is a term that has become popular to describe these competencies of how effectively you know yourself and others, how you treat yourself and others, how well you work with others. There is a variety of in-depth programs developed for assessing emotional intelligence. I will put in a plug for one that I have been certified in working with, called the Bar-On Emotional Quotient Inventory. This is a powerful and very insightful inventory that Reuven Bar-On spent years developing and testing.

Now another plug. The guy who got me interested in emotional intelligence is a fellow named Brent Darnell in Atlanta. One of the main things he does is work with people in commercial construction management using the Bar-On Emotional Quotient Inventory as a starting point for broader self awareness and improving daily work harmony. He reviews the personal inventory with each person, and then together they create a plan for strengthening the areas that the person wants to strengthen.

Brent has had some great successes working in this manner, with results that often go far beyond the individuals’ construction lives. He also has a very good little book called The People Profit Connection. To sum up the book in one sentence, if Brent will forgive me, he says that taking care of people is good and rewarding in itself, AND it helps increase profits. You can check him out further at www.brentdarnell.com.

In a way Brent and I kind of compete with each other, but more importantly we support each other. There is no copyright on the good sense of conscious cooperation and paying attention to our basic makeup and needs as human beings. In the long run this helps all of us.

There is a spoken and unspoken guideline in business: you should always be growing your business and increasing your profits. Sounds pretty good, right? This sounds like good business sense, doesn’t it? But is it always so?

Should you feel guilty if your 2006 income was not higher than that of 2005? Are you doing something wrong if it was not higher?

It is great to make money and have growing profit. But what if you find a niche in your business life that feels like home, that just feels right, and it may not always lead to growth every year? What if you make a living that takes care of your needs and some of your wants, and you are happy with what you are doing?

I say congratulations! Being comfortable in your own skin and having a good sense of who you are are not given enough credit. My masonry contractor is a great case in point. He used to have a partner and, for a while, a pretty large crew. He and his partner ended up working hard to support the crew and their families, and for that time they did poorly for themselves and had lots of headaches. Eventually they split up, and my mason has typically worked on his own ever since with one helper. He is a true artist, takes great care in what he does, makes a very good living, and never seems to have to look for work. Aside from the fact that his body is now protesting his years of labor, he has been living in his comfortable niche. He does beautiful work and has a loyal following.

Here is to finding your niche…

My friend Steve is in a nasty battle with cancer.

He has pancreatic cancer which has metastized and spread. He has already lived beyond what his doctors thought. He is a big, tough guy with the general constitution of an ox, and at times he has responded really well to chemo.

The doctors have to keep upping the intensity of the chemo treatments for any particular form of it until it is just too toxic. Then they put him on a different one and start again.

Through the whole thing, which is over a year now, Steve’s attitude is amazingly upbeat and accepting of what is. He hasn’t rolled to it by any means, but he is simply facing his reality with a really philosophical and positive take.

He has actually been able to work at his beloved fine carpentry for bursts of time and says that the doctors say another work period may be coming pretty soon. So far he looks good, and he has not really lost significant weight. With all due respect, he had a little to lose, so that is okay.

He has done some major traveling that he never did before, and he feels secure that his wife and daughters are provided for and all headed in good directions.

One friend’s wife has organized a party for him in August, and this friend just shows up and says, “Come on, we’re going boating,” or some such thing. Steve is much more known for working like a bull than doing frivolous things like boating. Yet fine carpentry is his true love, not an unhappy escape.

I have known that Steve wants to get a few things refurbished on his house. He has not been well enough to do it himself. So, several of us sawdust-makers have banded together and agreed that we will descend on Steve’s house and do what he wants, and I think we will make a party out of it. I called him last night and told him to put the list together. He was touched.

This kind of thing gets you thinking- What is calling from my heart for me to do NOW? How about really living like I may not be here tomorrow? In perfect synchronicity, a friend lent me the book “If You Want to Walk on Water You Have to Get Out of the Boat”. I started reading, and the main premise is that we all have a primary gift to share, and the time is NOW.

Steve is only fifty years old. Both his parents are still alive. His grandfather lived to almost a hundred. I don’t want to see him go, and I hope for the miracle. Maybe you can send some extra wishes and light his way, too.

Thanks.

A little more to say on gratitude.

Last time I wrote about being a grateful blogger.

Sometimes gratitude comes fairly easily for me, and sometimes I have to work at it pretty hard. I have to work at getting out of my own way, looking repeatedly for guidance and connection that comes from way beyond me.

Twelve-step groups talk of an “attitude of gratitude”. I love that. Catchy and typically profound in its simplicity. Being grateful for all things; that can be quite a challenge, but God, what a powerful way to live.

One of my teachers is a remarkable young guy named James Keeley. At the ripe age of thirty-three or so he has tremendous wisdom, vision and presence. He is able to tune in deeply to his deep Self and live from this place and guide others. He is partners in a business called Lionheart Consulting.

In his short yet powerful book “Walking with God”, he talks of being grateful for the “good” things that happen in our lives while also turning gratefully for deep guidance when not-so-pleasant things take place. And the not-so-pleasant things are typically what bring us to the brink of our greatest growth, so being grateful for everything doesn’t have to be a trite mouthful of castor oil. James is able to transmit deep feeling and presence through his writing, and certainly in person. And I know he does quite a job of living from this place himself.

I just started writing my first e-booklet, aimed at property owners looking for guidance in navigating the often daunting waters of trusting themselves in the hands of designers and contractors, and everything that goes with that territory. With a timely bit of real good advice from Sean D’Souza I sat down and started into the seemingly large task one bite at a time and quickly produced the first two pages of draft. Thanks, Sean, and thanks to others who have been a big support; Dawud, Daniel, Bonnie, Dave, James, Ibrahim, Manijeh, Barry, and more. Again the gratitude.

Without planning to go there, I found myself recounting the story of working with one customer, in the beginnings of my e-booklet. And as I was writing, I realized that I was grateful for her and for that project. She and I both pushed some personal envelopes in a big way while planning and building, and we forged a real working alliance between builder and customer. Then the project made its way into a featured article in “Fine Homebuilding” magazine, pushing more boundaries.

As I look back on my construction career I can definitely say that I am grateful for my customers and projects and all the learning and growing they brought with them. I am grateful to the Creator for placing both the people and the work in front of me and grateful for the urges in me to always want to connect with my customers and associates at as good a heart level as we could.

And, truth be told, I know that many of my customers are grateful for me, too. I still work with several of them on a repeated basis. I value them, and I try to serve them well.

What are you grateful for? I would love to hear.

Lately I have slowed down in the blogging world due to so much going on in my life, and my intention is to readjust within days.

I was thinking “What will I write about next?”  Not much was surfacing, and then I realized how grateful I am for this wonderful blog community.

So, I want to express my gratitude for this medium and for the wonderful people I have met and continue to meet.

Earlier in the year Dawud Miracle told me that there was no way to get faster exposure and make meaningful connection with people than through being a member of the blog community.  Thanks, Dawud.  You were right in ways that I only had a hint of.

There is so much worthwhile conversation and spreading of information going on I could easily spend much more time than I do at the computer.  I know I am not alone.

Aside from Dawud, who is in serious emergence, here is a short and incomplete list of wise people I have come to value a lot:

Karin

Mark Silver

Adam Kayce

Kent Blumberg

Liz Strauss

Dave Schoof

Thanks, all!

It is Father’s Day here in the US.

My daughter Katrina came to visit last night.  She stayed overnight, and we are having the longest solitary time together in quite a while.  She turns 30 in August.  (Where did THAT come from?)  We had a nice dinner last night and stayed up talking until nearly midnight.  Today we will take my faithful old dog for a good hike, one of his favorite things to do, and we will likely cruise the scenic area where I live on Cape Cod in Massachusetts.

If I may say so, she is a lovely lady.  Full of spunk, curiosity and variety in her life, with a healthy dose of heart, love of people and keen perceptiveness guiding her along the way.  She is a highly talented massage therapist and yoga instructor.  And she now eats even more “crunchy” than how she was raised.  She used to complain to her mother and me that all our food was “bowl food”- rice and veggies, tempeh, etc.; weird things like that.  Now she out-crunchies me.  She brought me a care package of delectables from a Whole Foods store last night.

She puts out a lot.  She gives a lot.  She has some fiercely loyal clients.  And she is pretty darned good at also being good to herself.

Am I proud of her?  Well, I guess I am, but I think more importantly I am pleased and relieved that she is doing so well and that she enjoys her life as she does.  And I admire who she is and how she lives.  I am grateful to be her father.

Around the time she was getting out of diapers, I asked God one night, “What is my real job with her?”  The answer I got back was, “Help her be comfortable with herself in the world.” 

Wow, this was profound; a lot said in one simple sentence, and I could not take credit for the message.  Katrina is very comfortable with herself in the world.  She does life well.

How comfortable are you with yourself in the world?  Somehow that surprising guideline of my deepest role as a father seems to carry wisdom beyond what I saw at first.

I have often observed that people who seem very comfortable with themselves in the world have found their rhythm and their meaning.  And conversely, I think that in general people who have found their rhythm and their meaning are quite comfortable with themselves.

I guess I can thank Katrina for these awarenesses.

Hats off to fathers everywhere.