I have been working a long time toward promoting cooperation in the construction industry (and others). I will soon offer some packages along these lines. I believe passionately in the importance of improving “people skills”, such as good listening, working at open communication, paying attention to others, being committed to offering the best of yourself, and so on.

There are different ways to get there. Some people have wonderful natural abilities along these lines, and they can help educate and inspire everyone else. Most people, though, I believe, can use some help to improve their human relations. One direction of such help is getting a better knowledge of yourself, which is a good thing! As you know yourself better, the nature of others becomes clearer. And sometimes the reverse is true. You have insight into someone else which flashes off a light bulb about yourself.

Yet knowing yourself better is key to getting along with others and improving your own effectiveness. This self knowledge can come in different ways; through inner search, through spiritual practices, through powerful assessment instruments, just to give a few examples, and through a combination of all of the above and more.

Emotional Intelligence is a term that has become popular to describe these competencies of how effectively you know yourself and others, how you treat yourself and others, how well you work with others. There is a variety of in-depth programs developed for assessing emotional intelligence. I will put in a plug for one that I have been certified in working with, called the Bar-On Emotional Quotient Inventory. This is a powerful and very insightful inventory that Reuven Bar-On spent years developing and testing.

Now another plug. The guy who got me interested in emotional intelligence is a fellow named Brent Darnell in Atlanta. One of the main things he does is work with people in commercial construction management using the Bar-On Emotional Quotient Inventory as a starting point for broader self awareness and improving daily work harmony. He reviews the personal inventory with each person, and then together they create a plan for strengthening the areas that the person wants to strengthen.

Brent has had some great successes working in this manner, with results that often go far beyond the individuals’ construction lives. He also has a very good little book called The People Profit Connection. To sum up the book in one sentence, if Brent will forgive me, he says that taking care of people is good and rewarding in itself, AND it helps increase profits. You can check him out further at www.brentdarnell.com.

In a way Brent and I kind of compete with each other, but more importantly we support each other. There is no copyright on the good sense of conscious cooperation and paying attention to our basic makeup and needs as human beings. In the long run this helps all of us.

There is a spoken and unspoken guideline in business: you should always be growing your business and increasing your profits. Sounds pretty good, right? This sounds like good business sense, doesn’t it? But is it always so?

Should you feel guilty if your 2006 income was not higher than that of 2005? Are you doing something wrong if it was not higher?

It is great to make money and have growing profit. But what if you find a niche in your business life that feels like home, that just feels right, and it may not always lead to growth every year? What if you make a living that takes care of your needs and some of your wants, and you are happy with what you are doing?

I say congratulations! Being comfortable in your own skin and having a good sense of who you are are not given enough credit. My masonry contractor is a great case in point. He used to have a partner and, for a while, a pretty large crew. He and his partner ended up working hard to support the crew and their families, and for that time they did poorly for themselves and had lots of headaches. Eventually they split up, and my mason has typically worked on his own ever since with one helper. He is a true artist, takes great care in what he does, makes a very good living, and never seems to have to look for work. Aside from the fact that his body is now protesting his years of labor, he has been living in his comfortable niche. He does beautiful work and has a loyal following.

Here is to finding your niche…

He has pancreatic cancer which has metastized and spread. He has already lived beyond what his doctors thought. He is a big, tough guy with the general constitution of an ox, and at times he has responded really well to chemo.

The doctors have to keep upping the intensity of the chemo treatments for any particular form of it until it is just too toxic. Then they put him on a different one and start again.

Through the whole thing, which is over a year now, Steve’s attitude is amazingly upbeat and accepting of what is. He hasn’t rolled to it by any means, but he is simply facing his reality with a really philosophical and positive take.

He has actually been able to work at his beloved fine carpentry for bursts of time and says that the doctors say another work period may be coming pretty soon. So far he looks good, and he has not really lost significant weight. With all due respect, he had a little to lose, so that is okay.

He has done some major traveling that he never did before, and he feels secure that his wife and daughters are provided for and all headed in good directions.

One friend’s wife has organized a party for him in August, and this friend just shows up and says, “Come on, we’re going boating,” or some such thing. Steve is much more known for working like a bull than doing frivolous things like boating. Yet fine carpentry is his true love, not an unhappy escape.

I have known that Steve wants to get a few things refurbished on his house. He has not been well enough to do it himself. So, several of us sawdust-makers have banded together and agreed that we will descend on Steve’s house and do what he wants, and I think we will make a party out of it. I called him last night and told him to put the list together. He was touched.

This kind of thing gets you thinking- What is calling from my heart for me to do NOW? How about really living like I may not be here tomorrow? In perfect synchronicity, a friend lent me the book “If You Want to Walk on Water You Have to Get Out of the Boat”. I started reading, and the main premise is that we all have a primary gift to share, and the time is NOW.

Steve is only fifty years old. Both his parents are still alive. His grandfather lived to almost a hundred. I don’t want to see him go, and I hope for the miracle. Maybe you can send some extra wishes and light his way, too.

Thanks.

Last time I wrote about being a grateful blogger.

Sometimes gratitude comes fairly easily for me, and sometimes I have to work at it pretty hard. I have to work at getting out of my own way, looking repeatedly for guidance and connection that comes from way beyond me.

Twelve-step groups talk of an “attitude of gratitude”. I love that. Catchy and typically profound in its simplicity. Being grateful for all things; that can be quite a challenge, but God, what a powerful way to live.

One of my teachers is a remarkable young guy named James Keeley. At the ripe age of thirty-three or so he has tremendous wisdom, vision and presence. He is able to tune in deeply to his deep Self and live from this place and guide others. He is partners in a business called Lionheart Consulting.

In his short yet powerful book “Walking with God”, he talks of being grateful for the “good” things that happen in our lives while also turning gratefully for deep guidance when not-so-pleasant things take place. And the not-so-pleasant things are typically what bring us to the brink of our greatest growth, so being grateful for everything doesn’t have to be a trite mouthful of castor oil. James is able to transmit deep feeling and presence through his writing, and certainly in person. And I know he does quite a job of living from this place himself.

I just started writing my first e-booklet, aimed at property owners looking for guidance in navigating the often daunting waters of trusting themselves in the hands of designers and contractors, and everything that goes with that territory. With a timely bit of real good advice from Sean D’Souza I sat down and started into the seemingly large task one bite at a time and quickly produced the first two pages of draft. Thanks, Sean, and thanks to others who have been a big support; Dawud, Daniel, Bonnie, Dave, James, Ibrahim, Manijeh, Barry, and more. Again the gratitude.

Without planning to go there, I found myself recounting the story of working with one customer, in the beginnings of my e-booklet. And as I was writing, I realized that I was grateful for her and for that project. She and I both pushed some personal envelopes in a big way while planning and building, and we forged a real working alliance between builder and customer. Then the project made its way into a featured article in “Fine Homebuilding” magazine, pushing more boundaries.

As I look back on my construction career I can definitely say that I am grateful for my customers and projects and all the learning and growing they brought with them. I am grateful to the Creator for placing both the people and the work in front of me and grateful for the urges in me to always want to connect with my customers and associates at as good a heart level as we could.

And, truth be told, I know that many of my customers are grateful for me, too. I still work with several of them on a repeated basis. I value them, and I try to serve them well.

What are you grateful for? I would love to hear.

Lately I have slowed down in the blogging world due to so much going on in my life, and my intention is to readjust within days.

I was thinking “What will I write about next?”  Not much was surfacing, and then I realized how grateful I am for this wonderful blog community.

So, I want to express my gratitude for this medium and for the wonderful people I have met and continue to meet.

Earlier in the year Dawud Miracle told me that there was no way to get faster exposure and make meaningful connection with people than through being a member of the blog community.  Thanks, Dawud.  You were right in ways that I only had a hint of.

There is so much worthwhile conversation and spreading of information going on I could easily spend much more time than I do at the computer.  I know I am not alone.

Aside from Dawud, who is in serious emergence, here is a short and incomplete list of wise people I have come to value a lot:

Karin

Mark Silver

Adam Kayce

Kent Blumberg

Liz Strauss

Dave Schoof

Thanks, all!

It is Father’s Day here in the US.

My daughter Katrina came to visit last night.  She stayed overnight, and we are having the longest solitary time together in quite a while.  She turns 30 in August.  (Where did THAT come from?)  We had a nice dinner last night and stayed up talking until nearly midnight.  Today we will take my faithful old dog for a good hike, one of his favorite things to do, and we will likely cruise the scenic area where I live on Cape Cod in Massachusetts.

If I may say so, she is a lovely lady.  Full of spunk, curiosity and variety in her life, with a healthy dose of heart, love of people and keen perceptiveness guiding her along the way.  She is a highly talented massage therapist and yoga instructor.  And she now eats even more “crunchy” than how she was raised.  She used to complain to her mother and me that all our food was “bowl food”- rice and veggies, tempeh, etc.; weird things like that.  Now she out-crunchies me.  She brought me a care package of delectables from a Whole Foods store last night.

She puts out a lot.  She gives a lot.  She has some fiercely loyal clients.  And she is pretty darned good at also being good to herself.

Am I proud of her?  Well, I guess I am, but I think more importantly I am pleased and relieved that she is doing so well and that she enjoys her life as she does.  And I admire who she is and how she lives.  I am grateful to be her father.

Around the time she was getting out of diapers, I asked God one night, “What is my real job with her?”  The answer I got back was, “Help her be comfortable with herself in the world.” 

Wow, this was profound; a lot said in one simple sentence, and I could not take credit for the message.  Katrina is very comfortable with herself in the world.  She does life well.

How comfortable are you with yourself in the world?  Somehow that surprising guideline of my deepest role as a father seems to carry wisdom beyond what I saw at first.

I have often observed that people who seem very comfortable with themselves in the world have found their rhythm and their meaning.  And conversely, I think that in general people who have found their rhythm and their meaning are quite comfortable with themselves.

I guess I can thank Katrina for these awarenesses.

Hats off to fathers everywhere.

]]> http://consciouscooperation.com/38/fathers-day-and-being-comfortable-with-yourself/feed/ 2 http://consciouscooperation.com/37/a-busy-life/ http://consciouscooperation.com/37/a-busy-life/#comments Sun, 08 Jun 2008 08:11:24 +0000 Stuart Baker http://consciouscooperation.com/blog/?p=37

It’s a busy life.

For a little while here I may be short of blogging time. Many things going on, and for several days, anyway, little time at the computer.

I have hands-on remodeling work to get done for two old customers right now, estimating to do for two others, much studying and involvement with real estate investment lately, and plenty of effort toward a major possibility in my life.

That possibility is to go to New Orleans to try to help with the terribly dysfunctional atmosphere between property owners and contractors. How this possibility came about is fodder for much discussion in itself. I will give a quick picture.

For a few years I have gone to a yearly spiritual retreat held on the edge of mountain country in Georgia. Great setting, great event. I have known many of the attendees for a lot of years. And, a big bonus for me, and hopefully for some other people, is that I get to co-facilitate groups focused on the exploration of one’s personal spirituality. The stars of the show are whoever attends.

As facilitators we set the tone to help the participants take a dive within themselves and take risks in small group discussion with others. There is a little more to it, but that is the gist.

The results have been really powerful. And we the facilitators feel blessed to be present.

So I was there in April, and by divine providence there were two different men who I had know separately 36 years ago. Strange enough in itself. But one of the guys now lives in New Orleans, and when he and I caught each other up in our lives and I told him about Conscious Cooperation, he blurted out “We need you in New Orleans!”

Well, one thing has led to another, and this contact has led to that contact, and the short story is that going to New Orleans is real bright on my radar. I hope to make my first trip there in several weeks to make some presentations and meet people.

I am in awe of how one thing leads to another and how the Universe arranges for “chance” meetings and connections. Then it is up to us do our part while, for me, still checking in repeatedly with the Divine powers to work with the path being laid out.

While reading an email from Kent Blumberg the other day I noticed that he lives in Baton Rouge, about an hour from New Orleans. And he is quite a helpful and eager guy, as most readers here know. We talked on the phone yesterday, and he had one real good suggestion about furthering my contacts in New Orleans.

And, my good friend Daniel Stone who was the main subject of my recent blog CONFIDENT, HUMBLE SERVANT, just happens to be an important figure in the consulting team working on how to approach the rebuilding of New Orleans. Etc., etc….

So, that is a snapshot of my life right now. It is a busy one, and a good one. Many thanks for support from different sources, not the least of which is this amazing world of blogging.

Several days ago Karin from www.thekissbusinesstoo.co.uk tagged me to write about how blogging has changed my life, and business.  Interestingly, and in perfect synchronicity, I had been thinking about that for a few weeks before I was tagged.  Karin is usually a day or two ahead of my thought processes.  And I was thinking I am grateful for having been introduced into the blogging world by Dawud of www.dmiracle.com.

So, first off, I am Stuart, and I am a grateful blogaholic.

As Dawud was adding to my website for me a few months ago he said that the quickest way to get exposure was to blog and visit other worthwhile blogs and make significant comments.

Boy, he was right.

I have been exposed to a world of connection that I never dreamt existed.  I have come to write posts fairly easily that emerge from my gut.  I eagerly read other prized bloggers and make comments.  I eagerly look to see what comments may be on my blog.

Conclusion: There are some great people out there just a keyboard away!  There are people who say that computer-source communication has no heart.  This is not my experience at all.  I get inspired and warm and fuzzy from blog communication.

I have been an amateur and occasional professional writer for years, but I find that writing blogs, sharing them and entering into conversation with them helps me know myself, my passions and my priorities in a way that is far different than writing with no communication back.  Writing about what I really care about and then sharing it helps center me, renew me and expand me.  I am really appreciative of this experience.

In my efforts to work with communication and cooperation centered around the construction industry, time and time again issues of clarity, honesty and good will emerge.  They are fundamental to the process.

And, in my humble opinion, they are fundamental to rich blogging.

Thanks, Karin.

]]> http://consciouscooperation.com/36/how-blogging-has-changed-my-life-and-business/feed/ 2 http://consciouscooperation.com/35/confident-humble-servant/ http://consciouscooperation.com/35/confident-humble-servant/#comments Sun, 25 May 2008 08:40:45 +0000 Stuart Baker http://consciouscooperation.com/blog/?p=35

Recently Dawud Miracle at www.dawudmiracle.com has been having some rich discussion on the blog post “Would You Rather Be a King or a Fool?” The discussion started with a movie clip of Robin Williams telling Jeff Bridges the story of the King and the Fool in the movie “The Fisher King”.

The discussion has gotten into the area of contribution as a human being. Are you in a better position to contribute as a “fool” or a king? What about the lure of power, fame, worldly success? What about being the simple person in a very humble position who is sometimes profound in their simplicity, perhaps way beyond their own awareness?

The discussion happened to be very timely for me because of what my close friend Daniel Stone of Whole System Consulting and America Speaks is doing right now.

He has become a central figure in the design, implementation and moderation of a wonderful world health initiative forum spearheaded by Donna Karan the clothing designer and manufacturer. You can see about the overall initiative and the present forum at www.urbanzen.org.

Through personal tragedy with the illness and ultimate passing of her husband, Donna became quite involved with blending Eastern and Western medicine practices. She became enamored of the Eastern spiritual dimension in facing illness, dying and death, as well as some Eastern health practices.

And so my friend Daniel, already a highly-placed organizational consultant, was asked first to design and orchestrate much of the present forum being held in New York. When the powers that be saw his abilities to carry out much more than design and event management, namely to moderate discussion and present, his role grew.

This forum has become the highlight of Daniel’s career and a high point in his life. He has stepped into another dimension as a consultant. He is gracefully and humbly working daily with world famous people at this event, and he is in wonder over what has been taking place there. Hearts are being touched and stretched at deep levels. Powerful, genuine connections are being forged and furthered. Commitments are being made to contribute in profound ways as human beings.

Daniel is confident in his abilities while he also constantly turns to the Divine for guidance and inspiration. He knows where the Light really comes from, and he is delighting in the extraordinary things that have been occurring at the forum.

So, aside from letting you know about Daniel and his work and this remarkable gathering of people taking place, and how some rich and famous people are really joining to make a difference, I can’t help but notice the makeup of the confident, humble servant.

Isn’t that a wonderful foundation for running a business or holding a position of influence?

It takes a strong, well-centered personal base to serve from a position of strength and humility while also not being taken in by tantalizations of the world. To me this calls for being well-anchored in your heart with firm and true priorities.

Whether your business or your slice of the world stage is large and visible or real mom and pop, what do you think of offering yourself as a confident, humble servant? Does this ring true? Is your business based on an attitude of service?

Some of my cohorts and mentors in various ways, Mark Silver, Dawud Miracle, Adam Kayce and Jim Keeley all promote and guide the journey of serving from your deepest self, whatever your role or profession may be. This rings very true for me. I learned the truth of this stance in my construction business, and these men have helped me deepen and clarify it even more.

To be truly able, confident and humble at the same time; this is an orientation that attracts my greatest respect. I see it as a position of genuine strength and fullness as a human being.

I welcome any discussion. I think there is plenty of room for it here.

Several weeks ago Dave Schoof of www.thedisquiet.com interviewed me for a podcast on his website. Dave is doing wonderful things with his specialty of helping men with their “disquiet”, their often-unspoken unease in their lives. As an aside, he is also addressing this unease in women to some extent. I have mentioned Dave a number of times previously.

In any event, I am way overdue in posting a link to this interview and in saying just a little about the interview. Being interviewed by Dave was a pleasure. He asks great questions about personal unease which is often taken as something wrong but is, in fact, an invitation to travel into a deeper, fuller life.

Dave has keyed into the fact that so many men (and women) struggle to one degree or another with this very important phenomenon. His work is well worth the visit to his website and his blogs.

I asked Dave if he has been interviewed, and he said no. So I told him that I would like to interview him in the near future. I will keep you posted about that!

Here is the interview link

Thanks, Dave.